Archive for the ‘Humour’ category

10 Biggest Cocks in Advertising

18 August, 2007

A quite magnificent rant from Charlie Brooker, the man behind TV Go Home

Winning at Barnsley is like Making Love to a Beautiful Woman

13 August, 2007

Another football season is now upon us and on Saturday my team, Coventry City, stormed out of the blocks with a 4-1 win away to Barnsley. Cause, surely, for celebration in all Sky Blue corners of the world?

Well, not quite. We Cov fans bear the scars of too many false dawns, and for everyone extrapolating instant promotion from this result, there are three people moaning and saying “It won’t last”.

Me? I’m reminded of a time back in 1998 when I was having an affair with a married work colleague. A real stunner to boot – Polish, tall, slim, blonde, beautiful, and possessing a repertoire of sexual techniques that are probably illegal in 99% of the nations of the world.

Now such women tend not to take much of an interest in your truly, unless they happen to be anthropologists or medical students, and so my initial delight at her unprecedented desire to bed me swiftly turned into terrified paranoia. It is of course very hard to make sweet lurrrve to a foxy wench when you’re looking over your shoulder for Jeremy Beadle to burst in, and there are few things more likely to put you off your stroke than Beadle’s bearded visage or withered hand appearing in your imagination.

Not that our brief dalliance was unenjoyable (I could write a book, but it would make ‘The Story of the Eye’ look like Enid Blyton and would probably be banned from all good bookshops), but my constant fear that it would all end in tears at any moment – which it did, on the steps of Sacre Coeur in Paris (which admittedly is one of the best places in the world for things to end in tears) – meant that I didn’t get as much out of it as I could.

In the unlikely event of the lady in question reading this I apologise for comparing her to an away win at Barnsley, but at the same time I would advise my more cynical fellow Sky Blues supporters to do what I should have done: don’t think about tomorrow, and simply revel in the moment for what it probably is – a glorious, one-off aberration. No doubt by the end of August we will all be metaphorically standing on those Sacre Coeur steps, fighting back the tears, but for now, let’s metaphorically get our brains shagged out.

 FOOTNOTE
In researching this piece (ie looking up Jeremy Beadle on Wikipedia while drinking beer) I discovered that the condition that causes Beadle’s withered hand is…Poland Syndrome!!! Cosmic. Even better, if you click on the link you’ll see that Wikipedia have chosen to illustrate this unfortunate affliction with a picture of a woman with one tit bigger than the other.

Wet Pussy

8 June, 2007

Plenty more where this came from

Goatse!

8 June, 2007

Goatse + BBC + London Olympics = comedy GOLD!!!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qtTF8s67P4

B3TA – Updating the National Gallery

27 May, 2007

Some absolutely superb work here:

 http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/national_gallery/popular/

 This in particular is close to genius…

 Rosso - Twister